You know that feeling when you’re about to post something online and your finger hovers over the button? That moment where you’re calculating how people will react, what they’ll say, whether they’ll approve? Yeah, that’s not confidence. That’s you living inside someone else’s head.
I’m going to tell you something that changed my entire perspective: caring what people think has nothing to do with insecurity. It has everything to do with whether you actually know what you stand for.
Applause Is Not Your GPS
When people clap for you, it feels amazing. But applause is just other people’s preferences reflected back at you. It’s not confirmation that you’re on the right path.
I learned this the hard way when my team wanted me to make content about branding. The video did well, people loved it, but I felt sick the entire time. And you know what? I stopped. Just because people like something doesn’t mean I have to keep doing it.
Every time you chase applause, you’re feeding someone else’s preferences instead of your own values. You start cooking dinner every night because your partner likes it, even though you hate cooking. You keep making the same type of content because it gets likes. You dress a certain way because people compliment you. Slowly, you become less of yourself and more of what everyone else wants you to be.
And the worst part? You start building resentment. Not toward them, toward yourself, because you’re the one who chose applause over alignment.
Criticism Is Just Unmanaged Discomfort
Someone online made an entire post dismantling how I run my business. Said I was too masculine, too intense, that I’d succeed more if I did things her way. My first instinct? Light her up. Defend myself. Prove her wrong.
Then I realized something: she was uncomfortable. I was succeeding in a way she didn’t approve of, and she didn’t know how to handle that discomfort. So she criticized me.
Criticism reveals way more about the person giving it than about you. When someone judges you, they’re really saying: “You’re making me uncomfortable, and I don’t have the emotional regulation skills to deal with it, so I’m going to make this your problem.”
Next time someone criticizes you, ask yourself: what did I do that made them so uncomfortable? What belief of theirs am I contradicting just by existing the way I do?
When you see criticism objectively instead of taking it as a personal attack, it loses its power over you.
You’ll Be Judged No Matter What You Do
For 18 months, I tried to figure out the perfect formula. If I structured my content just right, spoke just right, dressed just right, nobody would criticize me. I’d finally feel good about what I was putting out there.
Spoiler: the opposite happened. People said my voice was annoying. That I was riding my husband’s coattails. That I was just another internet guru despite running a company for eight years.
The moment I stopped asking for permission to be myself was the moment I actually became happy. Not because the criticism stopped (it didn’t), but because I accepted that being criticized is just the price of doing anything worthwhile.
Applause doesn’t mean you’re right. Criticism doesn’t mean you’re wrong. The only judgment that actually matters is yours, measured against what you’ve chosen to stand for.
Your Values Are Your Only Filter
I have this guy who constantly tears me apart online. He thinks I work too hard, don’t have good relationships, don’t take care of myself. And you know what? He’s not wrong. I’m not wrong either. We just have completely different values.
He values balance, health, connection. I value discipline, sacrifice for the greater good, working hard. Both are valid. Both work. The discomfort comes when he can’t regulate his reaction to my intensity.
Values aren’t feelings you discover. They’re decisions you make.
Most people inherit their values from parents, religion, social media. Then they wonder why their life feels off track. Because they never consciously chose what they stand for.
When someone praises or criticizes you, don’t ask “will people like this?” Ask: “Is this aligned with my values?” That single question will set you free.
Living by Your Own Compass
When I made a comedy skit that got 20 million views, people told me it was too silly, not my brand. But when I filtered it through my values (honesty being number one), I realized it was exactly my brand. I honestly thought it was hilarious. I honestly act like that. I honestly enjoyed making it.
Your values should be your anchor, not other people’s opinions. When you live aligned with values you’ve consciously chosen, your life gets simpler. Not easier, but simpler.
You stop chasing applause. You stop running from criticism. You start doing things that actually make you happy, that let you be the person you want to be when you’re lying in bed at night.
If you don’t anchor your identity in something solid, you’ll drift into becoming a reflection of everyone else’s desires. And there’s no worse place to be than existing as a ghost of yourself, shaped entirely by what other people want from you.
So define your values. Use them as your filter. Ignore everything else. That’s how you stop caring what people think without losing your humanity in the process.
Your life is happening right now. Stop living it for an audience that changes their mind every five minutes anyway.
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