You know that feeling when you replay the same conversation in your head for the hundredth time? Or when you check your phone every five minutes waiting for a text that never comes? That’s your mind creating suffering where there doesn’t need to be any. The pain exists, sure, but the endless spiraling? That’s completely optional.
Everything Changes (Even the Bad Stuff)
There’s this ancient Zen story about a farmer and his son that completely shifted how I see problems. The son finds a wild horse, and everyone celebrates. Then the horse throws him off and breaks his leg, and everyone mourns. But when war breaks out, the son can’t be drafted because of his injury, and suddenly everyone’s relieved again. The father’s response to each event? “Good thing, bad thing, who knows?”
This isn’t about being passive or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about recognizing that nothing lasts forever. Not the rainy days, not the sunny ones either. When you really get this, overthinking loses its grip on you. You stop catastrophizing because you know whatever you’re facing right now won’t define your entire future.
Letting go doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means preparing yourself for whatever season comes next. Got rain boots and an umbrella? The rain doesn’t bother you anymore. Got mental tools to handle stress? Life’s curveballs won’t knock you down as hard.
Get It Out of Your Head
I’m about to share something that sounds absolutely wild but is backed by actual research. When you write down your angry or anxious thoughts and then physically destroy that paper (rip it up, burn it, throw it away), you literally reduce those negative emotions.
A 2024 study from Nagoya University found that people who wrote down angry thoughts and shredded the paper experienced significantly less anger than those who kept the paper. Your brain processes that physical act of destruction as emotional release. It’s not woo-woo. It’s neuroscience.
So try this: Next time a thought keeps looping in your mind, grab a piece of paper. Write it all down, every messy detail. Then destroy it. Watch it burn, tear it into tiny pieces, whatever feels right. You’ll be shocked at how much lighter you feel.
And if you’re holding onto gifts or letters from an ex? Those photos you can’t seem to delete? Keeping them around is keeping that person emotionally present in your life. Symbolic actions like burning or discarding these items create real closure. Multiple studies confirm this works because your outer actions shape your inner reality.
Your Mess Is Messing With Your Mind
You can’t expect to have a calm mind while sitting in a chaotic room. I know that sounds almost too simple, but research proves it over and over again. Clutter competes for your attention, elevates your stress hormones (especially cortisol), and even ruins your sleep quality.
Women who described their homes as cluttered had measurably higher cortisol levels throughout the day. People sleeping in messy bedrooms struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep. Your environment isn’t just background noise. It’s actively affecting your mental state every single moment.
Start small. Pick one drawer, one corner, one surface. Give yourself 30 minutes this week to organize just that space. Make it a game. Can you finish in under an hour? Create specific homes for your items so you can actually maintain the order. When you walk into a clean kitchen tomorrow morning instead of seeing last night’s dishes, notice how different your day starts.
What’s the first thing you see when you wake up? Make sure it’s something that sparks joy, not stress.
Pain Happens, Suffering Is a Choice
Buddhism teaches that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. The difference? Pain is what happens to you. Suffering is the story you tell yourself about it.
Imagine getting hit by an arrow. That hurts. Now imagine shooting yourself with a second arrow by asking “Why me? Who did this? How could they?” That second arrow? Completely self-inflicted. Most of our overthinking lives in that second arrow. We can’t control the first one, but we absolutely control whether we keep wounding ourselves.
When something painful happens, interrupt your automatic reaction. Visualize a bright red stop sign. Actually say “stop” out loud if you need to. This creates a pause between the event and your response, activating your prefrontal cortex and giving you space to choose differently.
Then shift your questions. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” ask “What can I do about it? What skill is this teaching me? What have I forgotten that this is reminding me of?” Solutions emerge when you stop dwelling and start moving forward.
Research from 2016 showed that people who practiced acceptance techniques reduced their emotional distress by nearly 50% compared to those who tried avoiding pain. Fighting reality only amplifies suffering. Accepting it gives you the power to move through it.
Stop Fighting Battles in Your Head
How much time do you spend having conversations with people in your mind? Rehearsing arguments, planning what you’ll say, replaying what they said? All that mental energy accomplishing exactly nothing in the real world.
If someone’s bothering you, have the actual conversation. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it requires courage. But one real conversation will save you weeks of mental torture. Write down your thoughts first if it helps, organize what you want to say, then say it with grace and honesty.
The same goes for those messages you keep avoiding. You know you’re going to say no to that invitation, but you wait until the last minute hoping they’ll forget. They won’t. And now you’ve let them down worse than if you’d just been honest from the start. True kindness is clear communication, not silent avoidance.
Do It Today
Stop waiting for next week to start that habit. Stop postponing difficult conversations. Stop delaying decisions you already know you need to make. You can change your entire life with one decision made today.
Every moment you delay what needs doing, you’re choosing to carry that weight a little longer. Reply to that message. Start that project. Have that conversation. Make that change. The discomfort of action is always less than the prolonged anxiety of avoidance.
Your mind can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy. The choice is yours, and you get to make it fresh every single day. Start with one small thing today. Write down one recurring thought and destroy it. Clean one cluttered space. Have one honest conversation. Stop one spiral before it starts.
You’re more capable than your overthinking mind tells you. Now prove it to yourself.
If this post sparked a thought, shifted your mindset, or gave you something meaningful — don’t let it end here.
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